Is There Such A Thing…?

Is there such a thing as perfect fried chicken? 

I’ve often learned that nothing’s ever perfect. And that’s ok. It’s the way that the pieces fit together as a whole. 

KFC got a great set of 11 herbs and spices, along with a nice assembly line of consistent quality. Which provides a perfectly consistent product on a regular basis. 

But life doesn’t play out that way. In my experience in dating, all I wanted was a pin up girl, with big boobs… A boat… And the ability to cook great fried chicken. Easy right? 

Well I learned much in my dating experience. 26 years with the first woman I married left a serious gap in time since I played in that field. I mean you would have to actually meet someone and get their number. Then if you didn’t have a phone at home you would have to use a pay phone. That’s a thing we don’t see much anymore. You had to put a quarter in it… And most kids today don’t even know what they are. Today we have the device I’m  writing this blog on in the palm of our had everyday all day… So in my lifetime we’ve gone from pay phones for a the less privileged to everyone gets pornhub right in the palm of your hand… And it’s like the sixties again with sexual liberation via the naked pics. And then you’re lucky cause you still got one free hand… 

Personal interaction will never go away. And online there are more jack asses (men and women) because they can hide behind cover of a dating site, or app. Or in my one friends case craigslist… But computers are changing the world. And people are taking the advantages afforded to them via computers and the web and what do they do? Do they learn about culture and educate themselves to end prejudice and ignorance? FUCK NO…they’re gaining illegal advantages over others, and seeking out free porn, and sending fucking dick pics across the data plans of unsuspecting spouses and parents around the world. They’re cheating on their wives and losing their families. They’re bullying and bitching about everything on Facebook. They’re posting slutty pics and videos of themselves drinking til they puke and hitting bongs until they pass out… 

Computers should come with warnings… Not because they’re dangerous. But because people are stupid! Not you though. If you’ve read this far I’m sure you got your shit together! 

So I met the love of my life… 3 months ago on tinder… 

She doesn’t have a boat and we’re working on theories in fried chicken together. But I’m so glad to be out of the dating mess and away from all the lies. Did you know that some girls that claim to never eat at McDonalds EVER, are lying so that you don’t try to take them to fast food on your date? Or to make you think they eat healthier than they do?  Either way it’s not nice ladies. We’re onto this scam. And how come the guy still pays? Is there a limit to equality? 

I am sorry if I sound bitter but I gotta work 3 jobs to make ends meet. I could afford 2-3  dates per month. But chicks would tell me they’re going on like 2-3 dates on some days! And not paying ever! So yes. I was jealous… Shit who wouldn’t want a few free dates a week let alone in a day. I’d be happy winning a MasterCard or something to be able to do that. Forget being able to flirt with some chick out of 25 on an app and squeeze her onto my schedule at will… I would never go shopping again. I’d play the odds… And I’d never eat at McDonald’s… Or any fast food place! 

So to end this rant of epic ADHD proportions, I gotta say that any fried chicken made by my girl, is always the most perfect fried chicken for me. And yes she gave me the “I never eat at McDonald’s” bullshit. But then again I told her I was never going to open car doors for her either. Yet I always do. And so it is my belief and faith and hope… And prayers on a regular basis… That her fried chicken game is bound to improve… God willing! 

~AMEN 

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